


A Name I can Call Mine

by astroshark



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Autistic Character, Autistic Lance (Voltron), Hance - Freeform, Mentions of Being Closeted, Name Changes, Nonbinary Character, Trans Hunk (Voltron), Trans Lance (Voltron), Trans Male Character, Transgender Character(s), both are unintentional, but it's definitely implied, but they're there, but you can definitely read it that way, deadnaming, he's autistic, implied i guess, it's not explicitly hance, it's not explicitly stated, mentions of coming out, mentions of dysphoria, mentions of misgendering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 12:58:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10163537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astroshark/pseuds/astroshark
Summary: "Do I pick something that will please my family, but that I don't really like? Or something that they might not love, but that makes me happy?" He asked, letting out a loud groan.-In which Lance has trouble deciding on a name for himself and is scared of coming out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling incredibly frustrated recently regarding my inability to decide on a name and my fear of coming out to family, and decided I needed an outlet to express my frustration. Apparently that's through writing my favorite characters in the same situation.
> 
> I don't see enough of trans Lance, and especially not enough of him dealing with trans issues that extend passed binding, so I felt like writing something myself both to add to the trans Lance fics, and as a vent piece.
> 
> This can be interpreted as an au I guess. It wasn't my intention, but that's how it turned out, so feel free to read it as an au or placed in the canon universe.

A frustrated groan echoed through the small room, drawing the attention of the room's other occupant. Looking up from the textbook he had long since lost focus on, Hunk glanced in the direction of the groan.

"Something wrong, Lance?" he asked.

The teen in question was laying on his bed, face first in his pillows. He let out another frustrated groan before heaving himself up to a sitting position, the phone in his hand coming into view. He stared at it for a moment, brows drawn together and lips pursed in a tight line.

The look on his friend's face prompted Hunk to almost launch himself out of his own bed so he could sit on Lance's, scooting as close to him as possible. Hunk extended his arms, allowing Lance to simply slump against him, his arms wrapping around him in what he hoped was a calming hug.

After a minute or so of silence, Hunk spoke again. "What's wrong?"

"It's my family again," Lance mumbled, sighing. He felt bad admitting this to Hunk, feeling like he always complained about his family.

There was a soft "mmm" from Hunk, an indication of understanding.

"I'm here if you need to vent," he assured, only to receive another sigh.

"It's stupid. I don't wanna bother you with this," Lance said, resting his head against Hunk's shoulder.

"You're not bothering me by venting,"

Another few minutes passed before Lance spoke again.

"My mom's been texting me all day," he started, pulling back from the hug so he can sit up again, eyes returning to his phone. "She's been talking about how happy for me she is that I managed to nab the available spot when the top kid dropped out. She's proud of her hija, her _daughter _, and how hard she's worked to get where she is. She's proud of Marisol."__

Lance visibly flinched at the use of his birthname, despite having been the one to say it, flinched when he referred to himself as his mother's daughter and with she/her pronouns.

Hunk's lips tugged downward in a frown, but refrained from speaking. He'd heard Lance speaking about his mother before, and knew there was more to the story.

"I feel like I don't have room to complain," Lance continued, his eyes still locked on his phone as if he were waiting for another message. "I feel like I shouldn't be bothered by this, because she doesn't know. No one at home does. And it didn't bother me before for that exact reason. _Because _she doesn't know, I didn't feel too bad about being misgendered or deadnamed. But it's been bothering me so much lately..."__

He trailed off, trying to find words to describe how he was feeling. Frustrated was only the tip of the iceberg. Scared was an understatement. Terrified felt more appropriate, always hanging under the frustration.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to come out to her, to my whole family really," Lance finished, not sure how else to explain his feelings. "Sorry, this is probably really stupid, and I have no reason to be complaining."

"No, I think you have every right to complain," Hunk said shaking his head. "It's frustrating. Especially when it didn't bother you before, but now it's making you dysphoric every time someone you're not out to misgenders you or deadnames you. I get that. I've been there. It's especially frustrating when it's family. There's no reason you shouldn't be upset by it."

"I just feel like I shouldn't complain or feel so bad when they _don't know _." Lance sighed. He felt his upper body start moving back and forth, in as short, quick bobbing motion almost, in attempts to calm himself. "And the thought of coming out terrifies me more than literally anything else I've ever done."__

Hunk held his hand out, offering it to Lance, who looked away from his phone for the first time since he started speaking. He took Hunk's hand, taking in a deep breath when Hunk gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I'm Latinx," Lance added after a moment of silence. "There's still a huge stigma against the LGBT+ community, at least with the older generation. I'm sure my mom and my siblings will be accepting, but it's everyone else I'm worried about. It makes me anxious to the point where I'm still constantly considering new names."

Hunk raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Why would you be considering new names constantly? I thought you were really happy with the name Lance."

Lance sighed yet again.

"You've met my abuela. Abu won't be happy if I pick a name she thinks sounds 'too white,' and she's gonna push for me to pick a name that's as stereotypically Latinx as possible. Mamá said she had wanted to name me Juan Jose if I had been dmab, and Mariaelise was her first choice for a dfab baby. So I have the whole other issue of do I pick something that will please my family, but that I don't really like? Or something that they might not love, but that makes me happy? Do I stick with something they like that doesn't feel me? Or do I go with a name I can definitely call mine?"

There was another silent, longer this time the last, before Hunk finally spoke up.

"At least for names, I definitely think you should pick whatever feels right to you, even if it might sound ridiculous to someone else." He said, sincerity thick in his voice. He sounded as serious as he did whenever he was telling Lance about something he had a strong passion in. "If it makes you feel comfortable and makes you happy, then stick with it. If not, consider something else."

Lance bit the inside of his cheek, nervously, taking a few deep breaths while he thought about what Hunk said. His rocking had slowed a bit, but had not stopped altogether just yet. He nodded eventually, looking from Hunk's hand in his own to Hunk's gentle, reassuring smile that spread across his lips.

"I really like the name Lance. And I'm used to people calling me that at this point. No other name really feels right, and the name Lance just feels like me," He reasoned, more to himself than to Hunk, almost as if saying so out loud made him feel more confident about it. "But I'm still worried about coming out, and how my family is going to react."

Again, Lance found that it was a situation where he was sure his mother and siblings would definitely accept him. It was not the three of them that he was worried about. What worried him was the farther out he thought, his aunts and uncles, cousins, his grandmother. He had no idea how any of them would react, and he had a feeling it would be hard to stay closeted to the rest of his family once he came out to his mother and siblings. Watching other family members coming out told him that at the very best, he would be getting a confused reaction, where people might not understand him being trans or understand what nonbinary was, no matter how many times he tried to explain it. He did _not _want to imagine a worst case scenario. The idea worried him more than he already was.__

"There's no rush for you to come out, though," Hunk reminded him, his voice taking Lance out of his thoughts. "This is something you have to do when you're ready. There's nothing wrong with waiting for that moment to come."

Sometimes Lance forgot that Hunk himself had already been through this with his own family a year earlier, being in a similar position of worry over how family members would react to him coming out as trans. He had not vented about it as much as Lance seemed to, but Lance remembered seeing him incredibly nervous some days, trying to muster up the courage to come out, until he eventually did it.

"And don't forget," Hunk added, his smile widening. "I'm always here if you need me. Regardless of your family's reactions, I'm still gonna be here. You're not doing this alone."

Lance felt his own lips tug up in a small, genuine smile. He found himself reaching to hug Hunk again, grateful beyond belief to have someone like him in his life.

"Thank you," he said softly.

Lance's mind was made up. He intended to come out to his family. Maybe not today, but soon.

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone is wondering, I did write this entirely based on my own experience as a trans Latinx man myself, and the reactions Lance expected of his family are entirely based on the reactions I expect from my family when I eventually come out. Feel free to correct me on or question anything I wrote, but please keep in mind that I am writing about my own experiences as a trans Latinx man. 
> 
> This might become part of a small series where I write about trans Lance things if people enjoy this.


End file.
